addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
