I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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