i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
