There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
