The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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