He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
