Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
