OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
