PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
