hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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