Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
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have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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