***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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