Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I want her autograph on my taint
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
