I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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