bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
