The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
