no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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