when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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