i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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