I accidentally had phone sex last night
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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