Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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