i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
