why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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