you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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