last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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