Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.