I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
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You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
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Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.