We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
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The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
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I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.