dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
