Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college

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  (704): My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college http://tfl.nu/somi
  Replies (79) Good night (1764) Bad night (3679)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.

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  (608): Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her. http://tfl.nu/6qpw
  Replies (25) Good night (1714) Bad night (5858)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"

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  (302): he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks" http://tfl.nu/zxub
  Replies (32) Good night (7231) Bad night (2192)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...

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  (614): So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date... http://tfl.nu/r091
  Replies (10) Good night (1247) Bad night (3776)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.

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  (480): Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start. http://tfl.nu/ri6j
  Replies (6) Good night (2587) Bad night (847)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs

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  (443): also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs http://tfl.nu/bzfk
  Replies (3) Good night (2278) Bad night (888)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion

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  (856): Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion http://tfl.nu/nnpe
  Replies (7) Good night (3484) Bad night (748)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time

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  (734): Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time http://tfl.nu/r01i
  Replies (7) Good night (1490) Bad night (1470)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ

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  (902): how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ http://tfl.nu/dj5w
  Replies (5) Good night (1221) Bad night (469)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?

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  (607): Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised? http://tfl.nu/o7ko
  Replies (4) Good night (801) Bad night (411)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs

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  (607): I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs http://tfl.nu/5n4l
  Replies (16) Good night (536) Bad night (2545)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.

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  (701): It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request. http://tfl.nu/qxm8
  Replies (5) Good night (980) Bad night (675)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.

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  (763): FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth. http://tfl.nu/ynrg
  Replies (2) Good night (1136) Bad night (653)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever

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  (225): also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever http://tfl.nu/6lx6
  Replies (1) Good night (592) Bad night (341)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs

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  (651): Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs http://tfl.nu/pah7
  Replies (2) Good night (660) Bad night (200)

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