she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's just like the Real World with babies
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
