she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.