Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.

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  (407): the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever. http://tfl.nu/psk0
  Replies (14) Good night (6133) Bad night (664)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.

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  (954): I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about. http://tfl.nu/gd5e
  Replies (43) Good night (1385) Bad night (9300)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles

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  (978): Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles http://tfl.nu/8ba6
  Replies (8) Good night (2515) Bad night (1279)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.

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  (443): Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere. http://tfl.nu/ui38
  Replies (20) Good night (1419) Bad night (3834)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all

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  (412): I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all http://tfl.nu/skme
  Replies (6) Good night (875) Bad night (1709)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth

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  (607): Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth http://tfl.nu/3kds
  Replies (8) Good night (1577) Bad night (722)
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  (914): View more from New York

  My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?

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  (914): My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis? http://tfl.nu/29es
  Replies (14) Good night (534) Bad night (1765)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.

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  (248): If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend. http://tfl.nu/2nlp
  Replies (2) Good night (2154) Bad night (882)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner

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  (757): The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner http://tfl.nu/cdsa
  Replies (10) Good night (2250) Bad night (938)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.

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  (770): I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone. http://tfl.nu/ncer
  Replies (4) Good night (367) Bad night (908)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Also the fuck cup must be buried with me

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  (305): Also the fuck cup must be buried with me http://tfl.nu/f60l
  Replies (2) Good night (455) Bad night (326)
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  (518): View more from New York

  How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?

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  (518): How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video? http://tfl.nu/qafj
  Replies (3) Good night (665) Bad night (262)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.

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  (512): You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship. http://tfl.nu/33lr
  Replies (2) Good night (304) Bad night (604)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.

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  (616): I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony. http://tfl.nu/gfaq
  Replies (1) Good night (422) Bad night (403)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  After this week, alcohol is mandatory.

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  (224): After this week, alcohol is mandatory. http://tfl.nu/g89u
  Replies (0) Good night (337) Bad night (156)

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