Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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