I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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