Where are you?
In a non slutty way
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
