there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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