the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
