I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
