On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
