mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
