a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
