you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
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It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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