Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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