So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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