Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
