i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
