all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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