okay pat passed out under dana's car
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
