so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
