Already got asked if we're dating
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
