and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
