If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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