It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
