I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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