i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
