apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
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Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
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Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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