It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
