Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
