I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
