I feel great
I just peed on a car
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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