dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
