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Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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