ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
