Already got asked if we're dating
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
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