I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
