we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
