woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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