Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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