Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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