Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
