If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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