She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A bitchslap is in order.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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