**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
