I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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