All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
