We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
