After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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