I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
