so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
