When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
