so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
