I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I want to have your abortion
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize