She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
