Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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