My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
