so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
These tits shall not be calmed
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
