I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
