The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
