from now on my penis is your penis
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am available for nakedness
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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