I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
